Too Weak to Chew (Or How to Make a Strawberry Banana Smoothie)

I basically look like this today.

Yesterday, I had this grand plan to make my blue cheese potato salad and go to three barbecues which were inconveniently strewn all over a city teeming with terrible traffic and DUI check points. I planned to celebrate the birth of America with a burger and a single beer and then return home in time to soothe the dogs as they cried over colorful explosions in the sky.

None of this happened. After an attempt to tire out the animals on a hike, I took a nap, woke up feeling worse, and never left the house. What I initially thought was a pulled muscle in my back has basically turned into excruciating pain absolutely everywhere.

Naturally, my body has decided to rebel against me at the most inopportune time possible, as my mother arrives tomorrow. Not only am I facing at least two hours of traffic to pick her up from LAX, but I have to wash three loads of laundry, bathe the dogs, dust, vacuum, AND go to the grocery store to buy pork butt for tomorrow’s carnitas.

So, what am I doing? Watching Star Wars in my jammies, drinking a strawberry banana smoothie, and fighting the urge to go back to bed at 2 in the afternoon.

Strawberry banana smoothies are one of my favorite comfort foods from childhood. Plus they’re easy to make, they don’t require the effort of chewing (which I honestly don’t know if I could manage right now), and they’re all filled with vitamin C, potassium, and whatnot.

The recipe is below.

Oh, and if any of my friends are reading this: please send pizza – the Pizza Bianca with sausage from Pizzeria Mozza, to be exact. I think only sausage, truffle cheese, and crispy sage will give me the will to carry on today.

Without pizza, I’m going to need to summon some serious Jedi strength to get out the Swiffer….

My strawberry banana smoothie pairs nicely with a viewing of Star Wars. What doesn’t, really?

Strawberry Banana Smoothie

¾ C frozen strawberries

1 ripe banana

1 ¼ C milk (I prefer whole milk)

2 T honey

Place strawberries and banana in blender. Pour in milk and blend until smooth. Add 2 T honey and blend.

Tired Glue Gun Trigger Finger (Or How to Make a Chandelier from Coffee Filters)

A few months ago, I discovered the DIY instructions for making a chandelier out of a chinese lantern and coffee filters, and I just HAD to try it. Not because I had any need for the fluffy orb, mind you, but because it just looked like fun to make. I figured I’d will it into some sort of design submission eventually….

Initially, I only intended to make one hanging pendant, but in a turn of events that surprises no one… I got carried away.

As soon as I finished covering my 14″ paper lantern with coffee filters, I went to Pier 1 to buy the actual light bulb part of the lamp. I learned that Pier 1 doesn’t sell hanging light fixtures in California. (It’s due to some law requiring all lamps sold in the state to come with a light bulb in them.)

SO, I had to buy a battery-operated LED pack instead. A few cool things came out of this:

1) The battery-operated element solved my “how-in-hell-am-I-going-to-hide-the-cord?” conundrum.

AND

2) The remote controlled version of the LED only came in a 3-pack. This inspired me to make two more orbs of smaller size.

Of course I ran into some other pitfalls along with way, and I will share them with you to spare you from making my mistakes.

First of all, I recommend semi-soothing music for this task — especially if you’re the hyper sort like me. It takes a long time to cover the orbs, and you’ll start to go a little crazy if you’re listening to, say, the GG Remix of Grenade.

I had to break up the task over about a week and a half to keep myself sane – and to prevent blisters from forming on my glue gun trigger finger.

Incidentally, it also helped that I was still in the “training my Mary J. Blige Pandora Station” stage because I had to stop what I was doing frequently to inform Pandora, “I would like more Trey Songz pretty please.” And, “Less LMFAO, thank you very much.” (LMFAO belongs on my Britney station. For real.)

In all, I think it took about 1,000 coffee filters, and about 300 miniature glue sticks to complete the task.

I still need to adjust the placement of the lanterns now that I have three of them. I also haven’t completed embellishing the orbs with ribbons and beads yet, but I’ll get around to it, eventually….

Oh, and I have absolutely NO idea how to dust them.

Any suggestions?

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