This Yankee Likes Bourbon (Or How to Make Spiked Old Fashioned Shakes)

Spiked shakes are amazing. Also bourbon belongs in ice cream. Trust me on this one.

There’s this fabulous pub in my neighborhood that makes spiked milkshakes. They are divine. I mean, what’s not to love about bourbon in your ice cream? I’ll tell you. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Unless you consider the calories, but shhh, let’s not speak of such things.

As my good friend once put it, “Counting calories is as damaging as counting the number of guys you’ve slept with.”

Amen, sister.

Some things just don’t need to be tallied.

(This also applies to counting the months and sometimes years of my accidental celibacy, but again, let’s not speak of these things.)

Back to bourbon, ice cream, and happiness.

The pub also serves a pretzel with a beer fondue sauce that will change your life. I need figure out how to make that as well, but I digress. Tonight I’m having a girlfriend over for a movie night, and I’m going to make some of those fabulous spiked shakes.

See, I promised Jerry, the sweet old guy up the street, that I would watch Gone With the Wind, and I have been putting it off. For weeks. Every time I stop to chat with him, he opens with, “Have you watched the movie yet?”

Each time I must hang my head in shame and admit that I have not.

I mean, the movie is FOUR HOURS LONG! Four. Hours. Long.

Just so you know, the last time I did anything for four hours uninterrupted, it was called sleeping. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the movie won Oscars and is all famous and shit, but I have about a 90-minute attention span, max. Sure, I have two film degrees, which means I have endured more long, obtuse “art” films than anyone should ever be exposed to unless they’re being tortured by a rogue terrorist cell, but there’s a reason I work in TV and not features now.

So anyway, I need to bribe myself to sit still tonight, and I need my friend Kim, and my friend bourbon, to force me to do it. This is why I’m making truffle popcorn and Spiked Old Fashioned shakes to accompany Margaret Mitchell’s masterpiece.

If you have a movie night coming up and want to mix it up a bit, the shake recipe is below and the popcorn recipe is here. You may not need bourbon and butterfat to sit still like I do, but it’ll make it more fun. I promise.

Spiked Old Fashioned Shake

2 C vanilla ice cream
4 oz bourbon whiskey
2 oz orange juice
¼ tsp Angostura bitters
3 maraschino cherries, plus one additional cherry for garnish
Whipped cream for garnish, optional

Scoop the ice cream into the blender. Add the next four ingredients and blend thoroughly. Pour the shake into a glass and garnish with whipped cream and a cherry.

Consume. Smile. Go into a creamy bourbon-induced coma while watching Scarlett O’Hara shout about Yankees in Tara for four hours.

OK, anyway, this Yankee is going to down some Kentucky Bourbon now.

Later, ya’ll.

Only Children are Spoiled (Or How to Make Truffle Popcorn)

I am an only child. And I was the only grandchild for NINE YEARS. So, it should come as no surprise that I am an absolute nightmare on occasion. There was a time I thought the entire world existed to watch my performances, which included recitations of the Narnia Chronicles in a British accent, dramatic lip syncing performances to Rockwell’s “Somebody’s Watching Me,” or dancing on a picnic table in a diaper at 10 pm.

My dad is this well-behaved electrical engineer who has been pushed to the absolute brink of insanity by my antics. Were it not for his faith and his firm belief God made me this way, he might have died of embarrassment (or frustration) long ago.

Not only did I demand a fair amount of attention, but I was also given a lot of swag. Before you read this as a cautionary tale about only children, I should tell you that we’re not all bad. I can entertain myself for days on end without company, and I love to share from my lavish bounty of gifts.

My mother came for a visit recently, and I now have new Betsey jewelry, the dogs have piles of squeaky toys, and my kitchen is full of farmers’ market swag.

Before you condemn me for being some sort of spoiled parasite, I should tell you I played airport chauffeur for hours, made my mother wonderful food, and endured hours of interrogation about why I’m not dating anyone. So, it all evens out. I trade swag for my sanity. It’s cool.

You know what else is cool? Truffle salt. My mom bought me some at the farmers’ market, and I’m putting it on everything. The applications are absolutely endless, and because I’m so into sharing, I’m going to tell you about one!

Tonight I’m making truffle popcorn for my Gone with the Wind movie night, and I plan to wash it down with bourbon-spiked shakes.

See?

Truffle salt is so absolutely amazing that I might eat my own shoe if you sprinkled enough on it.

I’m looking forward to stuffing myself to the gills with goodness while watching Clark Gable strut around like sex on a stick. You might want to do the same.

The recipe is below. Enjoy!

Truffle Popcorn Recipe

¼ C popcorn kernels
2 T oil
2 T unsalted butter, melted
¼ tsp truffle salt

The popcorn bag will say you should heat the oil until two test kernels pop before adding the rest of the popcorn. This is a bald faced lie. This will burn your popcorn. I have found it’s best to add the oil and the popcorn at the same time. If you want to double the recipe, work in batches and add another 2 T of oil and ¼ C of popcorn after popping (and removing) the first batch from the pot. Working in small batches prevents burning. (Or maybe I just suck at making popcorn the old fashioned way and am making more work for myself than is necessary, but I’d rather not waste food. Or set my kitchen on fire.)

Pour the melted butter over the popcorn and toss the popcorn. Add the truffle salt and toss again.